Posts Tagged growing up
I worked on this piece in a Creative Writing course a few semester’s ago and I have decided to go ahead and let it out into the world.
For your reading pleasure. . .
For 19 of her 22 years of life, her only constant was the shade of a mango tree on the side of her abuela’s home in South Florida. In a place where residential developments were plastering over seas of green grass and gravel roads were becoming four lane highways, the shade from that tree provided her with more than relief from a sun that poured rays of blinding light and suffocating heat.
The shade from the mango tree was her everything. She would lie on the plush green bed of grass and stare up at the long leaves that masked the sun and the mangoes that would fall to the ground when they were oto ripe to han on to the tree any longer and escape.
Caminante, no hay puentes, se hace puentes al andar. Gloria E. Anzaldúa
I’ll be honest; I’m use to getting what I want all the time. Sound a bit selfish? Conceited? Immature? Well, yes, that is how it sounds, but let me explain.
Day after day, I work hard from the moment I wake up until I let my head fall upon my favorite pillow 16 hours later. My parents have always told me to work hard because nothing in life will be handed to you, and believe me, nothing in my life has been handed to me. I have spent countless hours on projects, at internships and working more than one job at a time to better myself. I’m not use to hearing “no” because at the end of the day I do not only convince others of my abilities, but I strive to perfect them and I make sure that I am better than my competition. I know I have not learned all that I need to live in this world, but I am aware of my weaknesses and am constantly working on turning those weaknesses into attributes that will push me over the top.
So, now that I am faced with an uncertain future, I feel lost. I feel as if all of the work I have put in over the last four years in college are nothing. I feel as if all of those words of encouragement from my parents over the past 22 years are lies.
As some of my closest friends are being offered their first full-time jobs before graduation. I am waiting.
Waiting for a reply from the University of South Florida’s selection committee for entry into their Masters of Arts in Communications: Multimedia program. Waiting to hear back from one of the 15 jobs I have applied for over the last two months. Waiting.
Right now the only comfort I have is when I think remember that God has my back (only way I can word that feeling right now) and Ms. Anzaldua’s words. I just have to keep moving during this time of waiting and build my own bridges. Just have to move through this waiting room.
Job applications are minimized on my dock. Graduate school check list are in my Downloads folder. Cover letters are being personalized for heads of Media Relations and Community Outreach departments for various professional teams. Yet, as I prepare for the months that follow graduation from Florida Southern. . .I’m at a lost.
Now that I know that I can take one of several paths – God willing – I am terrified. It’s not the walk across the stage on April 30th that has me petrified. . .it’s the walk away from my family and friends who have been next to me through every single tear dropped to being the origins of my laughter that has me slowly backing away from that day. As applications are being completed. . .sacrifices are already beginning to knock on my door.
I am now officially at a lost for words. I wanted to try to sort this out. I know I will soon enough, but just not tonight I suppose.
So I suppose I’m just going to wait for the morning I can open up iTunes and play Sam Means’ song “Yeah Yeah.”
Today was the day
That I put everything in perspective
I fell asleep, when I woke up
The rain is tap dancing on the roof, and again I find myself right here on WordPress darting my hands away on this lit keyboard. I just spent the last few hours searching for jobs to apply to. . .what are the results?
- Marketing for the Red Bull New York (NJ)
- Community Relations for the San Jose Earthquakes (CA)
- Community Relations for the San Antonio Spurs (TX)
- Media Relations for the Florida Marlins (FL)
And instead of jotting down everything I need to submit for each job. . .I’m at a new lost. Read the rest of this entry »
So, here I am. It is just shy of 5 a.m. and I have been awake for about two hours – simply one of those nights. Oh, and it’s my 22nd birthday!
For the past two hours I stared at my ceiling fan rotate lazily, walked around my humble casita seeing if there was anything I overlooked when I went on a cleaning frenzy yesterday afternoon, and stared at the dancing rain on my street. All week I’ve been waiting for today to arrive because I will have the chance to see mi familia and spend time with my collegiate familia with no worries. Yet, each time I glanced at my watch I couldn’t help but allow my mind to wander to mi abuela. I try not to think about her because the amount of time I had with her was. . .unfair and simply put. . .I still hurt. Already as I glide my hands over these keys. . .the tears have not only formed, but found a way to escape down my cheeks.
For the past few months, I have been struggling with the decision to share my final moments with her on this blog or just scribble them away in my journal. I just made the decision. . .