Feelings change.  Memories don’t.

June 2010 – I open the door and she turns from her brother to look at me.  At first her eyes are wide because who would enter her home without even knocking?  Not even my Bella (mom) would do that.  Then her eyes softened. . .even smiled. . .when she saw me.  I only stopped by to make sure she knew which medicine she was suppose to take since my Tia had left the day before.  I check the bottle in her hand and tell her I’ll get going. . .then she opens her arms for the first time without me initiating it. . .and hugs me.


January 2006 – I’m sitting on the ground next to the lockers looking out at the courtyard as rain pours before a doubleheader varsity soccer game at my high school.  Everyone always goes to buy food from good ol’ McDonald’s or BK before games.  The girls are on the other side of the courtyard and I just don’t feel like taking the long walk to the other side.  He comes walking up and stoops down to my level.  We talk about the rain.  We talk about how I’m quiet.  We talk about who is better at soccer.  He gets up to leave so that he can go grab food before the game.  I watch him walk away with that light as air pace.


December 2008 – I go through it alone.  Everything changes between us.


July 2010My work clothes from the Flying Tigers are strewn on the floor.  Boxes are in the living room.  Zaxby’s sits on the kitchen counter.  I sit on my bed crying . .well, almost alone, Soldier is on the phone with me.  It’s my first night alone in my first apartment.  I’m terrified to live in one of the most picturesque neighborhoods Florida Southern.


August 2007 – I finally let go of that rainy afternoon before a soccer game and break free from the bruises and all he brought.


October 2010 – Windows rolled down.  The aroma from the red clay and orange trees swirl around me and my best friend as I take her on my favorite scenic tour.  Untouchable


March 2011We call 5 years and 3 months of friendship. . .love. . .quits.

I often forget the exact time or day.  But when I have moments like I’m losing the puzzles that comprise my life, it’s amazing how some times in my life just seem to flash back in the blink of an eye.  Everything is perfect.  Even if those moments tore me apart. . .they are perfectly framed in my mind.  I remember. . .The beveled lid of the medicine.  The smell of rain.   The ache in my abdomen.  The cricket outside on my sill.  The purple of the final bruise on my right thigh.  The sea of groves with light reflecting from the leaves.  The sunshine breaking past my blinds as I cover my head as tears roll off.

All so clear in a blink of an eye.


, , ,

  1. Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: