Lonely. I’ve come to pay a visit to you, Ash. Well, since the soldier and you broke up.
What do I bring?
An empty side of the bed.
No “Good morning, nina” texts.
No one to share that good news with anymore.
A vase of dying Gerber Daisies that you want to ignore.
Tears that will fall in the middle of your day regardless of who’s around.
Oh, I’m here to stay for awhile, too.
As soon as the soldier walked out my door this afternoon, loneliness tapped at my bedroom window and here it is. I’m not going to give every detail of what happened between the solder and I, but just know that when people are in love. . .people shouldn’t treat one another the way we did. We did have some moments when we could see the end. . .that happily ever after kind of end. . .but, we just couldn’t do it.
I’m not going to blame him. I hope he doesn’t blame me. I hope we can each blame ourselves for not being:
- understanding when the other was having a bad day
- accepting when the other was revealing flaws
- forgiving when the other made the wrong decision
- humble when the other needed to have the limelight for a moment
While my friends do know my side of the truth. . .and his friends know his. . .the absolute truth of it all has been lost.
We loved each other, but were in a terrible cycle.
We were comfortable with one another, but stopped working to stay in love.
We were not enough for one another, but were scared to admit it.
The more I skip my fingers on these keys the harder it is for me to stop the tears. So, for now I’m just going to leave it as is. . .I’ve lost a piece of me that I never thought I would have to let go and while it is terrifying to imagine a world without him. . .I know its for the best right now. I can see tomorrow, but loneliness will be staying with me for awhile.